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Chapter 61.1
Immediately, Lin An Lan hugged him even more tightly.
He hid clingingly in Cheng Yu’s arms, wanting him to kiss him and hug him, but it suddenly occurred to him that where he had not responded, Cheng Yu had waited for him for eight years.
Not eight minutes, not eight hours, not eight days, not eight months, but eight years.
Eight years, more than 100 months, more than 3,000 days, how had he held it together?
He had waited four days, and Xiao Qiao had told him not to wait any longer, but Cheng Yu had waited for more than three thousand days, so it was inevitable that someone would keep telling him not to wait any longer.
But still he waited, fruitlessly and without end.
How could he be so foolish?
How did he not give up?
At this moment, Lin An Lan was truly and deeply sad for Cheng Yu and for his eight years of waiting.
“Why are you so stupid?” He asked in distress.
“How could you like a person for that long?”
“How could I …… really have just kept you waiting for so long?”
Lin An Lan regretted it. He thought to himself, if he could turn back time, he would have responded to Cheng Yu’s liking in high school, when Cheng Yu had first fallen in love with him without hesitation.
When you don’t love someone, you wouldn’t be touched by their wishful thinking, you would even find them annoying.
But when you love someone, your heart would ache for the scars they have had, and you would even wish you could start all over again.
Especially after you have felt this pain yourself.
The previous Lin An Lan didn’t love Cheng Yu; he might have known that Cheng Yu liked him, but he didn’t feel that it was anything to think about.
No one needed to pay for someone else’s liking towards themselves. There were so many people who loved him openly and secretly, but if he responded to everyone, he’d have to respond too many times.
He had thought Cheng Yu would give up.
He thought about how he had never given him an ounce of ambiguity or hope.
So he had a clear conscience, he didn’t feel bad for Cheng Yu nor does he feel guilty. He might have occasionally regretted that they could have been friends, but it was only occasionally.
He had his own protective layer, he lived simply and with a clear head.
He’d had the once lost but recovered familial affection, a good enough friend to trust, as well as some regular friends and classmates to talk and chat with, so he had been content and cherished it.
But the present Lin An Lan loved Cheng Yu, he had forgotten everything that once was, only Cheng Yu’s love was real and vivid. He basked in Cheng Yu’s love and his heart was filled with love for him.
When those waits only existed as Cheng Yu’s mere words, this made Lin An Lan moved by him and surprised by his persistence.
But when he recalled the time when he had waited so hard for him, and returned to the state of mind he was in back then, it was at that moment that he finally realized that these eight years of Cheng Yu’s life were not mere words, but a long withering time filled with disappointment which repeated over and over again.
The young Lin An Lan would have given up waiting in his own heart because of Xiao Qiao’s “Don’t wait any longer” and put his hope in others, hoping that they would grant him his wish.
But the teenage Cheng Yu, even after being discouraged by person after person, still clung to his crush.
Xu Sheng had advised him, “Give up, he won’t like you.”
Yu Heng had asked him, “Do you think it’s possible?”
Hua Rong told him, “With the way you are now, in the end, you would only be able to touch yourself. And he, he doesn’t need your love at all.”
Cheng Yu knew everything, he felt everyone was right, but he couldn’t control his feelings.
If his mother could control her feelings, she would never have allowed herself to fall in love with his father. Who would want to love a flirtatious and amorous loafer?
Didn’t his mother know how difficult it was to want a loafer to turn back?
Of course she knew that, but she hadn’t been able to control herself.
She had even admonished herself not to give her true feelings on the day of their marriage which was only for the cooperation between their two families. She clearly knew everything, yet she still fell in love with her husband uncontrollably.
Cheng Yu was the same. He knew everything, he knew clearly that Lin An Lan didn’t like him, that Lin An Lan didn’t have him in his eyes, that his crush wouldn’t come to fruition, but he still loved him.
During those thousands of days and nights, during those days and nights that changed from day to night, he loved only Lin An Lan.
And Lin An Lan, finally, on this night, after his midnight dream, after his own grievance, truly understood what Cheng Yu had gone through.
Which was why he began to feel heartache for him.
He thought to himself, he would never find anyone so foolish.
There were many people who adored him, but he could be sure that Cheng Yu was the only one who had loved him for so long and was still in love with him.
He was the only one, in a sea of people, who loved him the most.
Hugging the person beside him in distress, he chided him, “You’re really…. so silly.”
But Cheng Yu didn’t feel that he was silly.
This was how love was supposed to be, uncontrolled and out of one’s hands.
He simply liked someone and just fell in love with someone in his teenage and young adult years.
It wasn’t a silly thing, it was normal.
A normal and happy thing.
In this world, to meet love was a lucky thing.
Although having a crush had been hard, Cheng Yu never regretted it. His heart had been barren and muddy, but Lin An Lan was beautiful and precious, and because of his appearance, a lotus flower grew out of this mud.
This lotus flower was undefiled, fragrant, spotlessly white and touching.
Cheng Yu held it carefully, holding his love, cherishing and delighting in it.
Lin An Lan loved him, which was definitely very good; but if Lin An Lan didn’t love him, he would also able to accept it.
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Damn. I don’t want to go through the angst anymore when an an recovers his memory and gets mad at cheng yu. Happy times only pls ðŸ˜ðŸ˜ðŸ˜