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Every scene he saw was true, and every love he felt was true, that was why even though he doubted, he overturned his doubts.
Cheng Yu interpreted a lie with true love, he followed his heart, did what he had wanted to do for a long time, seriously loved Lin An Lan as a lover, hence Lin An Lan really thought of him as his lover too.
His desperation, in the end, was pushed to the junction of victory by the one he loved.
Lin An Lan knew it was inappropriate, knew it was irrational.
But, he really couldn’t hate him.
Reason told him that he should stay away from Cheng Yu, from this man who had deceived him.
But in his heart, he couldn’t help thinking of him, thinking that he had no major faults.
All his faults stemmed from loving him, from loving him too much.
He had already planted him in his heart, so how could he hate him or blame him?
When reason was unable to restrain feelings, and his heart’s reluctance broke through the barriers of reason, it became clear to Lin An Lan that Cheng Yu had become a special existence in his heart.
An existence he couldn’t reason with.
An existence where, even though he clearly knew that he had made a mistake, he didn’t want to pursue it.
Cheng Yu staked his all on a single throw, running towards a dead end, and he knew he was in a game with a hopeless end, which was why when he left, he’d said ‘you’re not coming back’.
He was so clever, knew him so well, so how could he not know how dangerous, immoderate and stubborn what he was doing was?
But Lin An Lan couldn’t bear it, so he changed course and gave him a new way out of the dead end.
He was the only judge in this gamble, and only he could decide whether Cheng Yu would live or die, and when he was willing to give Cheng Yu a way out, Cheng Yu’s death would be solved.
Lin An Lan sighed and said, “So you don’t have to feel too bad, and you don’t have to be afraid that I hate you, I didn’t come back because I haven’t thought it through yet, I didn’t pick you up because I had already slept that day, and it was the next morning when I saw the messages. You’re good, so even if I don’t end up with you, you’re still fine, and I’ll remember that my first love was you.”
Cheng Yu listened quietly, he hadn’t expected Lin An Lan to talk to him about this, what’s more say it in an open and transparent way, gentle and generous. He thought Lin An Lan would blame him, would hate him, but Lin An Lan wanted to comfort him.
He was the one who had deceived him, but he was comforting him instead.
His An An, had always been the most gentle and kind person in the world.
With him like this, how could he give up on him?
“Then if you don’t hate me, and you think I’m good, why can’t you stay with me?”
“We ended up together, didn’t we?”
Lin An Lan blinked, but didn’t say anything.
After a long time, he whispered, “Let’s eat.”
Then he started eating his congee with his head down, not saying another word.
Cheng Yu looked at him, then didn’t press the issue any further.
The meal was quite harmonious. After Lin An Lan finished eating, he washed the dishes then moved to leave Cheng Yu’s house.
Cheng Yu wanted to see him off, but Lin An Lan refused, “Get some rest, don’t hurt yourself, I’ll go back myself.”
Cheng Yu could only send him into the elevator with reluctance, “Will you come back tomorrow?”
Lin An Lan didn’t know. Actually, his coming here today wasn’t in itself part of his plan.
If Xie Hui hadn’t suddenly appeared to say that Cheng Yu was sick, he wouldn’t have been here at this time if not for the fact that he had been so worried about Cheng Yu’s sudden illness.
He didn’t answer.
Cheng Yu looked at him in a daze, “You’re not coming?”
“We’ll see.” Lin An Lan said helplessly.
Smiling, Cheng Yu nodded, “Then I’ll wait for you.”
His eyes glowed in the light of the hallway as he stared at Lin An Lan unblinking.
The way Cheng Yu was looking at him made Lin An Lan feel as if he had no way of hiding what was on his mind. Pressing the button for the first floor, the doors of the elevator closed slowly and Lin An Lan lowered his head, exhaling unconsciously.
Cheng Yu watched the elevator start to go down, before silently and reluctantly turning around to go back to his room.
As he sat on the sofa, he thought about what had just happened and only felt as if it were a dream.
Lin An Lan had come back. He said he didn’t hate him, that he didn’t despise him. He also said he was good, that he was his first love.
Cheng Yu found it hard to believe. He was actually, not hated?
Lin An Lan actually wasn’t disgusted with him for doing such an outrageous thing?
So, Lin An Lan loved him too, right?
The five months they were together, not only affected him, but also Lin An Lan. Jiang Xu had deceived him and he was so disappointed that he didn’t want to see him again.
But he had also lied to him, however Lin An Lan came to visit him of his own accord.
He actually, in fact also cared about him, right?
For the first time, Cheng Yu felt that he might have been favored by fate.
He had lived knowing he would die, knowing his mistakes, but at the end, when the train arrived, it unexpectedly went to the faraway place he wanted to reach.
Lin An Lan, who had always favored Jiang Xu, for the first time, with his memory intact, chose to favor him, giving him a very different result from the one he gave Jiang Xu.
He gave him a way out, a way out that Cheng Yu had never dared to hope for, but had been hoping for every day for over five months.
In this moment, with renewed courage and conviction, he decided to take the initiative.
With Lin An Lan, he was never discouraged, never complained, and was persistent and determined.
Lin An Lan had given him no response, but he was still able to walk alone on this lonely road for eight years with his love, but now, Lin An Lan had given him a way out, clear favoritism, making it so that Cheng Yu instantly seemed to have his own armor and shield, a ticket to this love affair with no more scruples.
In this world, the only person who could stand in the way of his love was Lin An Lan, but once Lin An Lan stopped standing in his way, he had no other worries or misgivings.
Cheng Yu laughed slowly, and the more he laughed, the happier he became.
Standing up, he walked towards his bedroom, not taking his medicine, but staring quietly at the painting of Lin An Lan.
He kissed his index and middle fingers, then pressed them to the painted face of the teenager, “Good night, An An.”
“If you don’t come to see me, I’ll come to see you.” He said gently, “I want to be with you.”
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