It was snowing again, and as Cheng Yu looked at the snowflakes in front of him, he suddenly thought of the final scene of [Yun Yun].
He thought at the time that he had done a good job, that he had been able to relate to Jing Huan’s emotions, to fit his state of mind at the time.
But now Cheng Yu felt that if he were to act the role again, he might do it better than he had done before.
One could never truly experience another person’s sorrow and despair unless one experienced the same sorrow and despair himself.
And now, he felt it.
He drove off, taking a detour to Lin An Lan’s neighborhood.
He didn’t dare to go up, but parked downstairs and looked out the window in the direction of Lin An Lan’s apartment.
What was he doing now?
Was he thinking of him?
Would there even be a minute for thinking about him?
Cheng Yu didn’t know and he didn’t dare to ask.
Lin An Lan had been so determined to leave, refusing to stay and rejecting him. He had no right, and was in no position, to go to him.
Leaning back in the driver’s seat, he tried to smoke, but all he could find on his person was a box of mints.
Yes, Cheng Yu thought to himself, he had quit smoking. Lin An Lan didn’t like the smell of smoke, so he had quit smoking. He gave up smoking for Lin An Lan, however, that didn’t make him stay either.
Cheng Yu ate a mint candy, it was cold and refreshing.
He had just put the candy in his mouth and put the box back when he heard his cell phone ring.
Taking out the phone, Cheng Yu looked at the screen then picked it up.
“Mr. Lin made a phone call to Jiang Xu yesterday and shortly thereafter, Jiang Xu went to see him, at his house.”
Cheng Yu didn’t say anything; it wasn’t what he had hoped for, but it was what he had expected.
Lin An Lan, having discovered that he had lied to him, was bound to want to know what had happened before he lost his memory, and Jiang Xu, was the best person to ask.
“I got it. “Cheng Yu said, “Don’t bother giving me information like this in the future.”
The person on the other end of the line paused for a moment, then, “I shouldn’t?”
“Keep an eye on Jiang Xu’s side. If he goes to see the Chengs, then tell me, but on Lin An Lan’s side, there’s no need.”
“Are you sure, Young Master Cheng?”
“Alright.” The person on the other end of the line responded.
Hanging up, Cheng Yu phone placed another piece of mint in his mouth.
The only information he had wanted to know from the start was about Jiang Xu and the Cheng family, Lin An Lan had been a complete accident. He had only been afraid at that time that the amnesiac Lin An Lan would have contact with Jiang Xu, that was why he’d had someone keep an eye on Lin An Lan’s cell phone and movements.
He had only asked that if Lin An Lan was in contact with Jiang Xu, or if Jiang Xu contacted him, then he should be informed.
But now that Lin An Lan was gone and the truth had been revealed, there was no need to invade his privacy.
He had been invading his privacy for so long that it was time to call it quits.
Cheng Yu looked out of the window at the blanket of snow that hadn’t yet disappeared and the road that was lined with slush and dirty looking tracks of snow that had been crushed by tires.
Snow in the sky was inherently different from snow on the ground. When it was in the sky, it was white and flawless, but when it fell to the ground it was nothing but filth.
Lin An Lan thought he was the snow of the sky, gentle and clean, one to be relied upon.
When in actual fact, he was simply the snow on the ground, full of schemes, cunning and filth.
He was simply not Lin An Lan’s type, so there was no wonder he wouldn’t like him.
Laughing to himself, Cheng Yu leaned back in his seat.
Just then, his cell phone rang again and he picked it up. It was Hua Rong calling.
“Want to come out for a good time?” Hua Rong asked him, “It just so happens that I have time.”
“I’m not interested.”
“I know you can’t let Lin An Lan go, but you can bring him with you. Anyways, we agreed the last time we met, so just bring him out with you.”
Cheng Yu was silent for a moment, and only after a long time did he say, as if calmly, “He knows.”
“Knows what?” Hua Rong didn’t understand.
“Knows that I lied to him.”
Hua Rong was shocked, “How did he find out? He’s got his memory back?”
Cheng Yu was in no mood to answer him, “You and Xu Sheng should get together, I won’t go.”
“Don’t. Now that Lin An Lan knows, what’s the situation on your side, are you…. okay?”
“I’m okay.” Cheng Yu replied then said, “I’m hanging up.”
After which he tossed his phone onto the passenger seat, sighed and took another mint.
Cheng Yu stayed until darkness completely fell before he finally started the car again and drove back.
He took his time driving. The traffic was already bad due to the snow, but Cheng Yu didn’t care. There was no one at home anyway, no one waiting for him, no one wanting him home as soon as possible, so there was no reason for him to hurry back.
He drove home slowly, took a shower, then went to bed.
Lin An Lan only realized that it was the tenth day of the first month when he swiped through the forum and saw that Cheng Yu’s movie had premiered.
He suddenly remembered what he had said to Cheng Yu earlier, “When your movie premieres, I will accompany you to see it.”
But now, he couldn’t go.
The movie was very well received on the forum. It was a socialist mystery with a simple and sad story, not subtle but classic in its approach.
Lin An Lan himself actually preferred orthodox movies, however these days socialist movies were far more popular than orthodox movies were, so it was mostly those that made it to the screen.
He had little interest in those, and so naturally had no interest in the movie. It was only the fact that Cheng Yu had starred in it that made him want to watch it– he had promised Cheng Yu that he would watch it with him.
Lin An Lan thought long and hard about it but still bought the tickets and chose the show for the day after tomorrow, intending to see it alone.
Putting his cell phone down, he thought about Cheng Yu again.
His Cheng Yu who was gentle and who loved him.
His Cheng Yu who was humble and who wanted him to stay.
The arch of his eyebrows raising, traces of sunlight gathered in his eyes.
His eyes turning red, sorrow spilled out of the corners of his eyes.
Lin An Lan had never wished so much like he did now that he could regain his memory immediately, so he could see his whole feelings for Cheng Yu in full, instead of being cut off and only knowing his current emotions.
He had fallen in love with Cheng Yu in his deception. That love was real and so was the reluctance to part with him.
But he hadn’t loved him before he lost his memory and it was true that he hadn’t love him, hence it was also true that he had deceived him.
With so many truths and lies mixed together, Lin An Lan hardly knew how he should face Cheng Yu. He needed his previous memories, he needed the feelings he’d had before to help fill in the missing emotions.
He wanted to recover his memories completely and to see, what his feelings for Cheng Yu really were.
Should he forgive Cheng Yu?
Could he continue to love him?
He closed his eyes, his heart filled with restlessness.
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