“Cheng Yu.” Lin An Lan’s tone was full of helplessness as he used all his strength to restrain himself, to prevent his tears from falling, to prevent himself from thinking sensibly and to prevent himself from expounding on this matter calmly.
“I shouldn’t have been here in the first place, I made a mistake, so it’s time for me to leave, do you understand?”
“I don’t understand.” Cheng Yu looked at him with red eyes, “I just know that you won’t come back if you leave.”
He looked at Lin An Lan with a sadness in his eyes that he had never seen before, “You were the one who showed up first, you were the one who asked me if I was your boyfriend. An An, I am a human being, I am only human, I can also have a selfish heart, I can also be selfish. There was no way I could say no in that situation, there was no way I could make you leave, you understand?”
“Why can’t you just take it as a mistake and leave it at that? Obviously we are happy together, obviously you can like me too right?”
“I told you, I know I was wrong, I won’t lie to you again, I can say yes to anything you want, I can correct anything you don’t like, why can’t you just give me a chance?”
“I haven’t lied to you about anything except the one thing that I lied to you about at the beginning. I really love you, and there will never be anyone in this world who loves you more than I do. I love you the most in the whole world and I can guarantee that I will be the one who loves you the most, so why can’t you just look at me?”
Lin An Lan’s tears slipped down his face silently.
Pulling up his suitcase, he headed out, but Cheng Yu took his hand. Not saying anything, Lin An Lan jerked it hard outwards.
Then he couldn’t help but say, “Let go.”
“An An.” Cheng Yu called him softly and looked at him, desperate, expectant, thirsty, straining with every last ounce of strength to retain him, “Don’t go.”
However, Lin An Lan turned him down.
“Let go.” Lin An Lan looked back at him, “Cheng Yu, you’re hurting me.”
Cheng Yu let go hurriedly, looking down at his wrist worriedly.
Without stopping, Lin An Lan pulled his suitcase towards the living room.
Walking to the door, he changed his shoes at the entrance.
Cheng Yu came after him and suddenly, without warning, asked him, “An An, what did you call me?”
Lin An Lan’s heart sank in an instant and he could barely straighten his bent back as he turned his back on Cheng Yu, his eyes full of sorrow.
Cheng Yu asked very softly, as if he were floating, “What did you call me?”
Lin An Lan couldn’t speak. He knew the correct answer to this question, and he finally understood, why Cheng Yu always clung to this title.
Because he was never his boyfriend to begin with, that was why he wanted to have that status.
His affliction wasn’t because he had pursued him for too long, but because he knew that once he regained his memory, then all that, would be gone.
Not answering him, Lin An Lan touched the doorknob.
Looking at his back, Cheng Yu asked stubbornly, “What do you call me?”
But this time, he was destined to not get the answer he wanted.
Lin An Lan twisted the doorknob and the door of the room made a slight sound.
When Cheng Yu heard the sound of the door opening, he asked him in resignation, “Are you coming back?”
Lin An Lan didn’t speak.
Cheng Yu whispered, “You’re not coming back, you’re never coming back.”
Lin An Lan’s hand paused for a moment, his hand no longer twisting the doorknob.
Cheng Yu looked at him in silence, like a dead plant, lifeless.
Pushing the door open, Lin An Lan let go of the handle and stepped out.
The moment the door closed, Cheng Yu leaned against the wall as if he had lost all strength.
The day had come after all. Later than he had expected, yet earlier than he had anticipated.
Sliding down the wall, he sat on the floor and buried his head in his lap in quiet silence.
When Lin An Lan came out of the elevator, he glanced back at the floor of Cheng Yu’s house, his gaze long and lingering, then he withdrew his gaze and walked forward in silence.
Tiny flakes of snow began to fall from the sky, fluttering and falling on pedestrians then disappearing instantly.
Lin An Lan reached for a taxi, got in and gave his home address.
Looking out the window, he saw that the night was quiet, with snowflakes dancing under the streetlights. Opening the window, he reached out to catch a piece, which stained his palm like a tear.
When I arrived, the willows were blowing with the wind and now that I’m leaving, heavy snow is falling from the sky.
Lin An Lan closed the window of the taxi. When he came, it wasn’t willow but heavy rain, and now that he was leaving, it was really snowing heavily.
It did seem that the time for him to go had come.
He leaned back in his car seat with a heavy heart.
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