“What did he say to you?” Cheng Yu asked as he approached Lin An Lan.
Lin An Lan thought for a moment then said, “That you are a good person.”
Cheng Yu: ???
Cheng Yu was very unconvinced, “No, I don’t need a good guy card.”
“Take it, good people are more likeable than bad people.”
“Really?” Cheng Yu felt that it wasn’t that simple, but because the cameraman was there, he didn’t ask.
When the camera was turned off at night and the cameraman left, he asked again, “What exactly did he say to you this afternoon?”
“Why are you still thinking about this?” Lin An Lan didn’t know whether to laugh or cry, “I told you, that you’re a good person.”
“I’m a good person, so tell me, what did he say?”
Lin An Lan answered helplessly, “Nothing really. He told me to like you well, and that you’ve liked me for a long time.”
“Is that all?”
“And also, that if you make a mistake in the future, I shouldn’t blame you, that people make mistakes.”
“He said….. in the future?”
Lin An Lan thought for a moment. “He didn’t seem to have said in the future, but that’s pretty much what he meant. Anyway, he means that he doesn’t want us to fight.”
Cheng Yu: ……
Cheng Yu thought he was really naive. How could that be what he meant?
“Then if one day, you find out that I really made a mistake, and that the mistake is very serious, would you hate me? Would you be willing to give me a chance to start over?”
“Why do you both like the word hate so much? How can there be so much hate in this world? It’s so tiring to hate someone. I don’t have the time for that.”
Cheng Yu: ……
Cheng Yu instantly didn’t know what he was feeling.
He didn’t want Lin An Lan to hate him, but at the same time he was afraid that if he didn’t even hate him, then there wouldn’t be a trace of him in Lin An Lan’s heart.
He wasn’t even sure whether he was more afraid of Lin An Lan hating him, or of Lin An Lan forgetting him completely.
“Then will you give me a chance to start over?” he asked again.
“Of course.” Lin An Lan laughed and said, “It’s a relationship. In a relationship, who doesn’t make mistakes and fight? This is your first time being in a relationship and also my first time and we are both first-time boyfriends. It’s normal to make mistakes, but as long as we change, then it’s okay.”
After he said this, he asked, remembering something else. “It’s our first time being boyfriends right?”
He was sure that for Cheng Yu it was his first time, because Cheng Yu had liked him since high school and had been pursuing him for so many years before they finally started dating.
But what about he himself?
Before he had said yes to Cheng Yu, had he ever been in love with anyone else?
Or had he ever been in a relationship?
It shouldn’t be, otherwise, Cheng Yu would have mentioned when he was telling him about the people in his phone book.
But what if it had been a breakup? He would have deleted that person’s contact info, that was why there was no such person on his phone, so it wasn’t impossible.
“No.” Cheng Yu interrupted his rambling thoughts.
“As I said before, you weren’t too enthusiastic about relationships and dating when you were in school. There were many people who liked you, but you rejected them all and I have always liked you, so I didn’t accept anyone else. We are both really are first time boyfriends.”
“So we are each other’s first love.”
Cheng Yu hadn’t thought of this word before, but now that he suddenly heard Lin An Lan use this word for them, he felt his heart beat faster.
When he first liked Lin An Lan , it was in high school. At that time, he was still aware that he was his first love.
So he had been careful. He knew that Lin An Lan wasn’t interested in him, so he didn’t dare tell him about his feelings.
But as his love deepened and the days he liked him went on year after year, day after day, he felt as if he had started a long love affair long ago. So much so that by now, he had forgotten that Lin An Lan was his first love.
And had also forgotten, that he was also Lin An Lan’s first love.
He had actually cheated Lin An Lan out of his first love experience.
Cheng Yu didn’t know whether to be happy or scared for a moment.
He was surprised that this was Lin An Lan’s first love, that he was the first person Lin An Lan had ever loved, but he also felt guilty that he had put a layer of dust on Lin An Lan’s first love.
Sitting down next to Lin An Lan, he apologized, feeling guilty and remorseful, “I’m sorry.”
Lin An Lan was confused, “Why are you saying this all of a sudden?”
You deserve a better first love, Cheng Yu said to himself. At least with someone you really like.
Not like me, I’m the only one who likes you.
In the world of emotions, everyone aspired to be next to the person they liked, and Lin An Lan was entitled to that too.
He deserved….. to fall in love with the person he liked.
That was how his first love should be like. Beautiful and heartwarming.
“Is there anything you want?” Cheng Yu changed the subject, not answering his question as he asked, “What do you want from your first love?”
“Nothing.” Lin An Lan was satisfied with his first love. “You’re already good enough .”
“Think about it again. What do you want to do, where do you want to go, what do you want? You can tell me everything.”
As long as Lin An Lan wanted it, he could satisfy it, except for the unexpected choice of his first love which couldn’t be changed. For the rest, whatever Lin An Lan wanted, what he should have had with his first love, he would make up for all of it.
“There’s no rush. When you’ve thought about it, you can tell me when you’ve decided.”
Lin An Lan felt that he didn’t really need anything more. He was a man who didn’t ask for much and now that his work was going well and his love life was blissful, everything was good, so he didn’t exactly need anything.
But Cheng Yu clearly wanted him to want something, so he nodded his head. Anyways he didn’t have to say something now but maybe he would suddenly think of something later.
“Go to sleep.” Lin An Lan told him. “First loves also have to go to bed too. It’s time to sleep.”
“Alright.” Cheng Yu hugged him as they lay under the covers.
That night, he had a dream. A sad and happy dream.
He dreamed of their high school days. He and Lin An Lan were walking to class after a game of basketball with the sun shining through the shade of the trees and as they stepped on the dappled light and shadows on the ground, they listened to the chirpings of the sparrows in the trees.
The weather was hot and dry, making the students drowsy after their exercise.
Lin An Lan was resting lightly on the table and Cheng Yu was fanning him with a fan in his hands.
Lin An Lan turned his head around to face him, causing the air coming from the fan to cool his face a little.
Opening his eyes, Lin An Lan looked at Cheng Yu who was sitting beside him with spring in his eyes as he said. “Little flower… You’re my first love.”
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