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Chapter 124.2

At around six o’clock, Cheng Yu entered the kitchen and started cooking.

Lin An Lan followed him, saying as he laughed, “I’ll give you a hand.”

“There’s no need.”

“It’s okay.” Lin An Lan said.

Then as he watched Cheng Yu standing in front of the faucet washing the vegetables, he suddenly thought of the last time he had been in the kitchen cooking and Cheng Yu had hugged him from behind.

Cheng Yu had actually hugged him from behind several times. When they first started recording the variety show, in that shabby office, Cheng Yu had also hugged him from behind.

He had said at that time that he used to look at him from behind all the time and had wanted to walk through the crowd, through all the obstacles, to hug him from behind.

Lin An Lan rarely stood behind him and looked at him. Sometimes he would inadvertently fall behind him and see it, but without this realization.

He was the one being courted, so he didn’t need to look at anyone’s back.

He had only ever seen the back of his biological mother leaving, a vague and meaningless back that he no longer remembered.

But Cheng Yu, however, kept looking at his back.

He watched him leave again and again. Through high school, university and work and each time they met by chance, it was as if fate had come to them, but each time, he would turn away again, leaving him with nothing but a hopeless back.

But he just watched, holding on to this hopeless hope for so many years.

Lin An Lan thought he was really powerful, very resilient and determined.

He looked at Cheng Yu’s thin back, at his slightly trembling shoulders. It was clear that he himself had a lot of pain, but he could care less about it, persisting in actively loving him day after day.

It had really, really not been easy for him.

And had been especially difficult.

Lin An Lan looked on quietly, then slowly walked over and hugged Cheng Yu from behind.

This was the first time he was hugging him from this angle. As he wrapped his arms around Cheng Yu’s waist, his face pressed against his back, he felt he was too cruel. He shouldn’t have been so cold, how had he, at that time, had the heart to do that, to reject him so determinedly?

“What’s wrong?” Cheng Yu looked back at him, “Learning from me, huh?”

Lin An Lan nodded gently as he rested his head against his back.

Laughing, Cheng Yu allowed him to hold him.

Feeling the warmth of his back, Lin An Lan asked him, “Little flower, if we could start over, which time would you want to go back to?”

“The day you were standing in front of the orphanage, I think.” Cheng Yu thought back, “I’ll pick you up and take you back to my home. Although my home isn’t very nice either, I’ll take good care of you.”

Lin An Lan was a little surprised, not expecting this answer from him.

“But you probably still prefer to stay with your adoptive parents, right?” However Cheng Yu quickly dismissed this answer, “Then I’ll go back to when you were six or seven. I would meet you earlier than Jiang Xu and be your first friend.”

Lin An Lan couldn’t help but hug him tighter.

He gave a low response. He also hoped that Cheng Yu could have been his first friend, his best friend.

“What about you?” Cheng Yu asked him.

“I want to go back to high school.” Lin An Lan said softly, “That way, I’ll be nicer to you.”

Cheng Yu’s hands washing the vegetables paused, and then he looked back at Lin An Lan, “Are you asking me this question because you want to be nice to me?”

Lin An Lan smiled at him.

“It’s been too hard on you.” Lin An Lan told him, “I used to be too cold-hearted.”

The water from the faucet was rushing out, but Cheng Yu seemed deaf to it. He looked at Lin An Lan, only at him, then lowered his head and kissed him.

He had trudged slowly through the long night, on and on through the desert, deserted and alone, trying desperately to catch up with the moon, but the moon never looked back at him.

But now the moon had leapt into the desert, producing curved crescent bays. He looked down and saw how the light of the moon hid in his eyes.

He had given him a clear spring to wash away the weariness of his journey.

It was only then that he realized that Lin An Lan could also regret, when it was clearly not his fault.

He closed his eyes and the moon appeared in his palm.

Cheng Yu kissed him tenderly, rubbed his forehead against his and said to him, “It hasn’t been hard, what’s more you’re not cold-hearted, you were doing it for my good, I know all about it.”

Wrapping his arms around his neck, Lin An Lan kissed him on the cheek.

He certainly had his own reasons for what happened in the past, of course, and his intentions had been good and had indeed gone some ways in protecting the peace of mind that the Cheng Yu in his senior year would have eventually required.

It was just that as he stood next to Cheng Yu now and turned back to look at the past, it was hard not to feel distressed for the Cheng Yu from back then.

He could only think to himself, what if, he had been nicer to him back then?

He squeezed Cheng Yu’s face, “Go on and wash the vegetables, I’ll help you.”

Cheng Yu nodded, kissed him and gave him some of the vegetables in the basin.

The meal was prepared a bit slowly and the food was a bit late, but the good thing was that they both liked the dishes served, so they had a good time.

After dinner, Lin An Lan rested for a while and then went to take a bath.

Cheng Yu read a book while he waited for him to come out of the shower.

Lin An Lan was in a very good mood and didn’t take too long to get out of the shower. Sitting in front of him, he allowed him to blow-dry his hair.

Cheng Yu watched as the water droplets on his hair slowly rolled down his pale neck and finally fell into his coat, disappearing.

Taking a tissue, he wiped Lin An Lan’s neck, but then caught a glimpse of his white back, slender and pure white, his skin delicate and warm.

Suddenly seeming to have been burned, he withdrew his hand silently, not daring to look at it again, but his mind was filled with the image of him looming over the waves.

Since Lin An Lan’s return, Cheng Yu had never had any intimate contact with him beyond hugs and kisses.

He desired Lin An Lan, but was good at suppressing it. He never wanted to bring it up for fear that Lin An Lan wouldn’t be ready.

Although they had done everything that they should and shouldn’t do when Lin An Lan had lost his memory, that was because he had been without his past memories at that time, so now that he had recovered, Cheng Yu wondered, with his character, what was his attitude towards such things?

Did he think they should do this after marriage? Or did he think it was okay to do it before marriage?

He wasn’t sure and didn’t dare guess, so he had to continue to endure and pretend that he was still the same him who was ascetic.

It was only after Cheng Yu was done drying Lin An Lan’s hair that he got out of bed and went to the bathroom.

He took a cold shower, which managed to clear his mind.

He stayed in the bathroom a little longer until his body was warm again before he walked out in relief.

Lin An Lan was already lying under the covers.

Walking over, Cheng Yu lifted the covers and got into bed.

Lin An Lan put his cell phone down and waited for him to finish blow-drying his hair before he turned the light off.

“Good night.” Cheng Yu said.

“Good night.” Lin An Lan turned and hugged him.

Cheng Yu stiffened for a moment, but quickly allowed his body to relax, mentally reciting several ancient texts that he had studied before. From ‘Distinguished’1Distinguished – Chinese name 出师表: memorial made by Zhuge Liang in the Three Kingdoms period to ‘Dreaming of the Immortal’s Dream and Staying Behind’ to ‘The Preface of Sending Dongyang Masheng to study’2The Preface of Sending Dongyang Masheng to study – Chinese name 送东阳马生序:a preface written by Song Lian , a litterateur in the Ming Dynasty before the stirrings in his body finally calmed down.

Then he embraced Lin An Lan and kissed him cherishingly on the forehead.

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