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Chapter 113.1 The truth about the amnesia (two)
Lin An Lan let out a laugh. How impressive, he had even found Cheng Yu’s address. Everything was ready, all that was missing was him.
It was really a good plan, only, what did he take him for?
“Really?” Lin An Lan said deliberately, “But if I were Cheng Feng and my son liked men, which would mean he wouldn’t have children and I wouldn’t have grandchildren, then I would hope that I would have a son besides him, so that I would still be able to have grandchildren.”
Jiang Xu had been drinking and hadn’t heard his probing, let alone think about Lin An Lan’s usual attitude towards Cheng Feng, so he said naturally, “Of course it’s good. This way I’ll have a father too and we’ll have a better life.”
Lin An Lan didn’t say anything else.
He had completely sobered up, and as he looked at Jiang Xu with mixed feelings, he felt as if he had never known Jiang Xu, and as if Jiang Xu had never known him.
He felt that all his efforts on Jiang Xu over the years seemed to have had no effect at all. Jiang Xu still thought of his father, still wanted his father back.
Even, at the cost of him, at the cost of making him go deceive someone’s feelings.
How was he able to bring himself to say these words?
How could he actually say them?
Didn’t he ever think that he would feel bad, that he would be angry?
For the first time, Lin An Lan felt that perhaps they were not fit to be friends.
They cared about different things and wanted different things.
Just the day before he had been thinking that Jiang Xu was the only person he could trust in the world, the one he cherished now, but the very next day Jiang Xu was telling him to ‘go and meet him, then pretend to accept his liking, be his boyfriend, then go back with him to meet his family.’
He was pushing him out himself, turning him into a knife, a knife that would stab Cheng Yu in exchange for his happiness.
But what had Cheng Yu done wrong?
And why did he have to go deceive someone with feelings?
Lin An Lan looked at him sadly, feeling a pang in his heart.
He had sent his mother away, he had sent his father away and now, he knew he would be sending his friendship away.
He was sending away his best friend, the friendship he had deemed most important.
His family was gone and now, his friendship was dying as well.
Lin An Lan’s heart was filled with sadness, after all, he had no one to trust.
Standing up, he set his glass down and said to Jiang Xu, “I refuse.”
“Why?” Jiang Xu looked at him in disbelief, “Why, Xiao Lan? Is this bad? Although you will be wronged for a while, we will never have to be upset when we see Cheng Yu again in the future.”
“But why should I wrong myself?” Lin An Lan asked him, “Why should I do that for you? Why should I deceive Cheng Yu’s feelings without rhyme or reason?”
“What did Cheng Yu do wrong? Because he likes me he deserves to be used and deceived by me? What do you take me for? A scum who plays with people’s feelings, a scum who deceives people? Is that what I am to you?!”
“No.” Jiang Xu said hurriedly, “I just want to deal with Cheng Yu.”
“What did Cheng Yu do to you? Did he scold you, hit you or bully and humiliate you in public? He hasn’t targeted you, nor has he done anything wrong to you, so why do you want to deal with him?”
“Yes, he did sign the endorsement you wanted, but that’s because that company chose him, they chose him out of the sea of potential candidates, not because he used the power of the Cheng family to pressure them after you signed the contract, thus stealing your endorsement. You can be upset, you can complain, but what right do you have to put the blame on him?”
“I just don’t want to see him anymore, I’m sick of him, I’m sick of him acting like a fly, like a dog. The world is so big, can’t he go somewhere else? Why does he have to jump in front of my eyes! We are obviously both Cheng Feng’s sons, is it just because he’s rich and powerful that he can be better off than me, that he can have better resources than I do? It’s not fair!” Jiang Xu shouted.
“There is no absolute fairness in this world. Was it fair for Cheng Yu’s father to cheat on his mother and him with your mother? Is it fair to him that you were born and that you exist? The entertainment industry is so big, I can get in, you can get in, other people can get in, so naturally he can also get in. He has never asked to be on the same stage or scene as you. If he’s bouncing in front of you all the time, can’t you just go past him and see other people?”
“It’s because you have your eyes fixed on him, because you want to compare yourself to him all the time, because you only see him, that’s why he’s supposedly bouncing in front of you all the time!”
“Are you helping him again?” Jiang Xu asked him, “Xiao Lan, do you also think he’s good that’s why you want to help him?”
“I’m just speaking facts.” Lin An Lan said, “My attitude has been clear from the beginning. Your parents’ mistakes are theirs to bear, don’t get involved, don’t go see Cheng Feng, don’t appear in front of Cheng Yu, don’t think about the Cheng family that doesn’t belong to you, just be yourself, you are innocent, you haven’t done anything wrong. But after all these years, from senior year up to now, you still can’t get him out of your mind, you even want to go back to him through me. Jiang Xu, what am I to you? A knife, a tool to deal with Cheng Yu, a sacrificial lamb to achieve your great familial affection?”
“Didn’t you ever wonder how I would feel hearing that? Weren’t you worried that I be sad? Weren’t you afraid that Cheng Yu would find out that I had lied to him and do something to me?”
“He likes you, he won’t hurt you.”
“So he won’t hurt me, but I have to go hurt him? His affection, is so that I will stab him in the back and then walk away assured that I would be okay?”
Lin An Lan looked at the man in front of him with anger, “Then you definitely don’t like me, that’s why you can stab me and still think it’s not a big deal.”
He turned away angrily, making his way back to his house.
Jiang Xu came after him, knocking repeatedly on his door, but Lin An Lan didn’t open it.
He was so disappointed, he hadn’t expected his best friend to stab him unawares.
He ached all over. He had no one in the world he could trust anymore.
He was left alone and he knew that not everyone would love him as much as his adoptive parents had, only, he didn’t expect that the second person to teach him this would be Jiang Xu.
That it would be Jiang Xu who he grew up with.
Why did it have to be Jiang Xu?
Why did it have to be him?
After all these years, apart from his parents, he had the most affection for Jiang Xu after not feeling any affection after what had happened to him. He had been with him through the lows and prevented him from continuing on his parents’ mistakes. Wasn’t he good enough for Jiang Xu?
Why, did Jiang Xu want to use him as a knife that would kill?
How could he not know him this much? How could he care so little about his feelings?
Lin An Lan didn’t open the door, and hearing his phone ring, turned it off and lay down on his bed.
He blacklisted Jiang Xu. He refused to answer Jiang Xu’s calls and refused to receive Jiang Xu’s WeChat, he only read his text messages, and every explanation paled in comparison.
He went to see Zhuo Siya and told him to cancel his upcoming commercial performance.
Zhuo Siya was surprised, “Why? Jiang Xu will also be there for it and your cp fans are looking forward to it.”
Lin An Lan laughed a little, his smile full of mockery.
He didn’t say exactly why to Zhuo Siya. He couldn’t say it, it was too ridiculous, too despicable.
Walking along the road, he suddenly felt empty. The crossroads split into four paths, but, each one had no one he could trust.
Whichever way he went, he was on his own.
Looking up at the sky, he thought of his adoptive parents.
The next day he went to the cemetery again and placed a bouquet of flowers on his adoptive parents’ graves and looking at their gravestones, said to them in his heart, “I miss you so much.”
Then he looked on silently, many words pent up in his heart.
He stood quietly for a long time. It wasn’t until he felt the rain start to fall that he turned to leave the cemetery.
The summer rain came suddenly, then abruptly became heavier and heavier until it became a torrential downpour.
As Lin An Lan didn’t have an umbrella with him, he got wet for a while before he was able to get into a car.
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