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Chapter 110.1 Cheng Yu, I’ve regained my memory.
When the meal was ready, Cheng Yu helped him carry the dishes out.
Scooping up some of the congee, Lin An Lan put it in front of him.
“Go ahead, I’ll be leaving first.”
Cheng Yu looked up at him in dismay, “Don’t you….. don’t you want to eat together?”
“I’m not eating.” Lin An Lan said warmly, “When you’ve finished eating, rest early.”
Cheng Yu instantly didn’t want to eat.
He stood quietly, silently expressing his emotions.
“Let’s eat together.” Cheng Yu whispered, “I haven’t eaten with you for a long time.”
It hadn’t been that long, Lin An Lan thought. They had only been apart for a few days, not even ten days, so it hadn’t been that long.
Turning, Cheng Yu went into the kitchen, took a bowl, fetched him a bowl of congee and put it opposite his own, “Eat before you go, it’s time to eat.”
Feeling helpless, Lin An Lan could only sit down and eat with him.
He had prepared the meal, so naturally it was to his liking. Looking down, Lin An Lan ate his congee, not knowing what to say.
Cheng Yu, however, knew exactly what to say. He opened his mouth, “I haven’t had such a good meal in a long time.”
Looking up at him, Lin An Lan thought to himself, He was really a sweet talker.
It was just a home-cooked meal, he was the only one who thought it was good “Then you should eat more.”
“En.” Cheng Yu smiled at him.
He smiled beautifully, and probably because he was still sick, his face was pale, but with a sense of innocent purity, just like that of a child.
Looking at his clear eyes, Lin An Lan pondered for a long time before whispering to him, “Cheng Yu, I’ve regained my memory.”
Cheng Yu’s smile disappeared instantly, replaced by shock and unease.
He looked at him in a daze, his whole body frozen, the fear in his eyes visible to the naked eye.
“So, I’m still thinking about it,” Lin An Lan told him, “I haven’t thought it through yet.”
Cheng Yu nodded unconsciously then lowered his head hastily, hiding his unease at not daring to meet his eyes.
He hadn’t expected Lin An Lan to regain his memory. To him, the Lin An Lan who had regained his memory wasn’t the same as the Lin An Lan who had lost his memory.
He dared to admit his mistake to the Lin An Lan with amnesia, hoping that he would forgive him because he knew that Lin An Lan had loved him during the days they had spent together.
Yet he dared not look straight at the Lin An Lan who had regained his memory, let alone hope that he would forgive him, because he knew fully well that the Lin An Lan before he had lost his memory didn’t love him, or at least, didn’t fancy him in terms of passionate love.
They had only been together for five months and Lin An Lan had avoided him for eight years. Comparing the two, five months seemed so insignificant that he didn’t feel that he could shake Lin An Lan’s heart.
What’s more, he had been with him for five months on the basis of deceitful and despicable means.
“I’m sorry.” He bowed his head, “I was selfish, I’m sorry.”
Looking at Cheng Yu who was on the verge of burying his face in the bowl, Lin An Lan smiled softly, “You’ve apologized many times. I received it, so there’s no need to apologize anymore.”
It was only then that Cheng Yu dared to look up at him and saw that his expression was without any ripples as he ate his congee with a calm face.
“Do you hate me?” He asked.
Lin An Lan had heard this question before, Zhuo Siya had asked him the very same thing.
His answer back then was that he didn’t hate him that much, and his answer was still the same now.
“Not so much.” He said, “As I said, we are both responsible for this. I was wrong in that I shouldn’t have shown up on my own accord and lured out your desires and selfishness, and you were wrong in that you really shouldn’t have lied to me just for your own selfishness and desires. So I was the trigger and you were the main cause, but in any case you were more responsible, so I can’t possibly feel that you aren’t at fault at all, but to say that I hate you, that’s impossible.”
Hate was a feeling that was too severe and extravagant, and Lin An Lan didn’t want to impose it on himself. He had hated his mother when he was a child and then, he had been happy in the Lin family so he had erased his hate, along with the person that was his mother.
He didn’t want to waste anymore feelings to her, so he left his feelings to his adoptive parents. All his life, he’d had only one mother, and that was Mother Lin. As for his real mother, he had long forgotten what she even looked like.
She had already abandoned him, so how could she deserve such deep hatred from him?
Not caring was the best response to her.
So he wouldn’t hate Cheng Yu either, what’s more, there was really nothing about Cheng Yu that could make him hate him deeply.
He had been really happy during the times he had lost his memory, and Cheng Yu had been as kind to him as he could be. If he’d had someone he liked before he’d lost his memory, or if he and Cheng Yu hadn’t gotten along, then he might have hated him, but he didn’t and things hadn’t happened that way.
He didn’t have someone he liked and he hadn’t hated Cheng Yu, so things were a lot easier. Not to mention, Cheng Yu had taught him about love.
He finally had a yearning and enlightenment of love, instead of being like before, with no expectation of love, trapped in his own castle, not accepting other people’s offers of love and not taking the initiative to love people.
Cheng Yu had become a very important person to him.
In this life, there were three kinds of feelings that were the most sincere and that couldn’t be let go of: family, friendship and love, among which family was inherent, as blood was thicker than water, and so the most reliable and easiest to obtain.
Lin An Lan’s love from family had been a little harder to obtain than others, but the good news was that it had been obtained, so he respected and loved his adoptive parents, who would always be the ones he loved most in his heart.
~ Nyurr, thank you very much for the Ko-fi’s💗💖~
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