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Chapter 108.2 Please go see Cheng Yu

Cheng Yu was sick, he was actually sick.

It had only been a few days since he left, how could he be sick?

Lin An Lan thought of the look on Cheng Yu’s face the day he left. He had looked at him sadly, his eyes full of sorrow as he asked him, ‘An An, what did you call me?’

He had asked him, ‘You’re not coming back, are you?’

His voice had been full of despair, so fragile as if it would shatter at the slightest touch.

Lowering his eyes, Lin An Lan sighed unconsciously.

Clearly, he was the victim of Cheng Yu’s love, the one who had been deceived by him, but Cheng Yu looked far more like the victim than he did.

It was as if he had been robbed of his only possessions. He was so pitiful and grief-stricken that he couldn’t even blame him because he was already too miserable.

Lin An Lan was unhappy that he had deceived him, but couldn’t really blame him.

He had lived with Cheng Yu for half a year. He had felt his uncertainty, looked at his paintings and gone through his pictures. Cheng Yu had spent almost half of his life on him and given him all his love.

He had seemed to be living an unrestrained and reckless life, but in a place where he couldn’t see, he had been taking pictures of him and drawing him silently.

Cheng Yu was very well behaved.

He really loved him.

That was why when he said, ‘I won’t share the same stage with you’, Cheng Yu never attempted to stand on the same stage with him.

He had said, ‘We won’t be friends’, and Cheng Yu never bothered again.

He never gave him a hard time, always respecting his every word, even if he loved him so much that he was about to go crazy. He would just stand back and watch in silence.

Never bothering him, never pestering him and never pressuring him.

Given Cheng Yu’s status, if he wanted to be on stage with him, then there was always a way, but he didn’t do it, he didn’t do anything, until last year, when he lost his memories and he was with him, when he asked him cautiously if he would mind if they recorded the same variety show and asked if he would be willing to act as Gu Shuyu.

Now that he thought about it, Cheng Yu so stubbornly wanting to act as Jing Huan was probably because he and Jing Huan were in the same position. They both had crushes and both secretly loved someone.

That was why he wanted to act as Jing Huan, and that was why he had said he couldn’t act as Gu Shuyu.

Sighing, Lin An Lan thought that he was really one of a kind. He thought to himself, if he were Cheng Yu, he might have been more willing to act as Gu Shuyu. He had been in love with him for so many years, how nice would it be if he could make the other person love him once, even if it was in movie.

However, if he were Cheng Yu, he would never have loved someone for eight years.

He wasn’t even willing to approach and like someone of his own accord, let alone love for eight years.

So he wasn’t destined to be Cheng Yu. With a personality like his, how could he be Cheng Yu?

Lin An Lan found it very strange, even bizarre, that in a family like Cheng Yu’s, where his father kept lovers, his mother died early, and where he had even met his father’s illegitimate son, he still believed in love and still had the ability to love someone, so much so that even if the other person didn’t love him, he could still love him persistently and sincerely without complaint.

He was like a blossom in the night, as dark and as brilliant as the night was. He bloomed so purely that he wasn’t affected by the night. Instead, he made the night his companion.

Most of the people in this world were like him or like Jiang Xu, who blended into the night when they walked into it.

They had suffered misfortune and they longed to be loved, hence they stood in a passive position, waiting for others to approach them on their own accord.

But Cheng Yu was different. Even though he had gone through the night, he had turned himself into a light so that he could shine on others.

So how could he be Cheng Yu?

He could never be him. He didn’t have the fortitude nor the heart Cheng Yu had.

He could only be Lin An Lan. The sensible, ordinary, common Lin An Lan.

But the more ordinary one was, the more one envied those who weren’t ordinary.

And the less one could be a light, the more one admired those who could become one.

Lin An Lan blew on the window of the car, lifted his hand and drew a small pattern of flowers on it slowly.

“Let’s go to Cheng Yu’s house.” He instructed, “White Birch Mansion on White Birch Road.”

Zhuo Siya turned his head to look at him in surprise and saw Lin An Lan looking at the window.

He wanted to ask something, but refrained from doing so and slowly withdrew his gaze.

Lin An Lan watched the flowers on the window disappear as quickly as they could as if they had never existed, then blew out on the window again and drew new ones.

What did Cheng Yu love about him?

When he had lost his memory, every time he asked him, he would say he liked everything about him, that he was good, that he was worth loving, but did Cheng Yu really know him?

Was he really good?

When he was little, his mother thought he was good too, calling him sweetheart, baby, but in the end, she just left him at the door of the orphanage.

When he grew up, Jiang Xu also thought he was good. They had known each other for more than ten years and grew up together, but in the end, Jiang Xu wanted him to fake being Cheng Yu’s boyfriend so that he could get the fatherly love he wanted.

It seemed that from the beginning to the end, the only people who thought he was good, and who had always loved him, were his adoptive parents.

But could there really be people like his adoptive parents in this world?

Cheng Yu hadn’t really come into contact with the real him. Whether it was the one who lived in his fantasy before his memory loss or the one who didn’t have his truest character after his memory loss, he hadn’t actually come into contact with the real him.

So, after he came into contact with the real him, wouldn’t he also feel that he was actually not that good and turn his back on him like his mother had, like Jiang Xu had?

Lin An Lan wasn’t sure, because if even one’s parents could abandon one in this world, then what else couldn’t happen?

Love was the most illusory of things. Many people fell in love then broke up, broke up then fell in love again, passionate when they loved, weary when they separated. The passion they felt was true, and the weariness they felt was also true. This was love, this was human emotion.

So how could he guarantee that Cheng Yu wouldn’t feel weary?

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