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Chapter 136.2 He was no longer his Xiao Lan. He had become Cheng Yu’s An An
As Lin An Lan looked at the collapse on Jiang Xu’s face, a kind of powerless helplessness arose. Ever since the moment he agreed to Cheng Yu, he had already foreseen this.
He had forseen Jiang Xu’s collapse and despair.
In Jiang Xu’s not-so-long half-life, he had envied Cheng Yu for too long, hated Cheng Yu for too long and had lost to Cheng Yu in terms of familial affection— his father’s heart only had Cheng Yu, this son, thus he clung to him like he was grasping at the last straw, especially after discovering Cheng Yu’s thoughts towards him.
But now, his choice had completely pronounced Jiang Xu’s loneliness and failure.
—His familial affection, his friendship, had all left him and gone to Cheng Yu.
However was he to blame?
He had also trusted and had accompanied Jiang Xu before.
He had also stood firmly by Jiang Xu’s side.
However Jiang Xu had pushed him away.
Jiang Xu had pushed him away and Cheng Yu had wrapped him up with love.
He had felt warmth and had never wanted to leave since.
“Jiang Xu, I have chosen you before. My initial choice was you, but you gave up on me. It’s not that I don’t want to accompany you, it’s that you gave up on me first, so why bother with this desperate plea now?”
“I was wrong.” Jiang Xu said sorrowfully, “In my life, my greatest regret is saying those nonsense words to you that day. I was wrong. Xiao Lan, you can curse me however you want, hit me, anything, but you can’t be with Cheng Yu. Only this is not allowed.”
“But I’m already in love with him.” Lin An Lan said calmly, “I already love him, and I can’t sacrifice my love for anyone.”
“That’s him tricking you!” Jiang Xu said angrily, “He took advantage of you when you were vulnerable! How can you love him? You should hate him!”
“Logically, I should hate him.” Lin An Lan laughed, “But look, I can’t even hate him. This should tell you how much I truly love him.”
“Jiang Xu, if you still consider me a friend, shouldn’t you be happy for me? I’ve found the person I love and he’s reliable. He’s loved me since high school. Isn’t that something worth being happy about?”
Jiang Xu looked at him with a bitter smile, wanting to cry but unable to. He shook his head repeatedly.
“Then it looks like we can’t be friends anymore.” Lin An Lan said.
Jiang Xu shook his head frantically, “Xiao Lan, don’t say that. I can’t accept it, I really can’t accept it.”
“In time, you will accept it. Time will smooth everything over.”
“I won’t! I hate him! I will never accept it!”
“Then that’s too bad. Whether you accept it or not isn’t something that’s within my consideration.”
Jiang Xu looked at him blankly. He looked at Lin An Lan’s calm and gentle face and for the first time, he realized that this was unexpectedly how his best friend looked like without emotions.
—Rational, detached, unshakable.
He could clearly see him on the brink of collapse, yet from start to finish, there wasn’t a single emotional fluctuation in him.
He truly didn’t care about him. Not at all.
In this moment, Jiang Xu felt grief, a grief much greater than if his heart had died.
He suddenly didn’t understand why he was living in this world.
His mother didn’t want him, his father didn’t acknowledge him and his best friend clearly knew he hated Cheng Yu yet still chose to be with him and even wanted to marry him and spend the rest of their lives together.
He had nothing.
He had ultimately lost to Cheng Yu. Lin An Lan, Cheng Feng and everything else, he had nothing left.
He should never have existed in this world in the first place. Born with such a heavy fate, he should never have been born or perhaps should have died under Cheng Feng’s violent action all those years ago.
If he had never existed, he wouldn’t have ended up like this, so why should he live?
Why didn’t he die back then?
Jiang Xu looked at Lin An Lan with sorrow then said in a low voice, “Xiao Lan, don’t do this. I only have you left. If you’re with Cheng Yu, I will die.”
“That’s your problem.” Lin An Lan said coldly, “My love is not paid for by anyone, nor do I need anyone to pay for it.”
“So, it doesn’t matter if I die then?”
Narrowing his eyes, Lin An Lan leaned in close to him, “If you want to die, who can save you? Jiang Xu, you live for yourself, not for me, not for anyone else. My life and death don’t require anyone else to pay the price and similarly, I won’t pay the price for anyone else’s life and death.”
Jiang Xu’s heart dropped to the bottom. He looked at the familiar yet strange Lin An Lan in front of him. This was the first time he couldn’t overlap the person in front of him with the Lin An Lan in his memory.
He thought to himself. Perhaps, the Xiao Lan in his heart was truly gone.
After the night he had drunkenly said things he shouldn’t have, the Lin An Lan who grew up with him disappeared.
From that day on, he had left his world and entered Cheng Yu’s world.
Now seeing him again, he was no longer his Xiao Lan. He had become Cheng Yu’s An An.
He had buried their friendship with his own hands, buried his once best friend.
Jiang Xu didn’t speak anymore.
Lin An Lan urged him, “If there’s nothing else, you can leave.”
“The Cheng family won’t accept you.” He told Lin An Lan, “His father, grandfather will never accept you.”
“I don’t care.”
“Then you don’t care if I return to the Cheng family either?” Jiang Xu asked him, “Cheng Yu has been expelled from the Cheng family. I’ll take his place, take everything that belongs to him in the Cheng family. All, including the inheritance rights. You don’t care about that either?”
Lin An Lan froze. He had expected that Cheng Yu might be expelled from the Cheng family, but he had never expected that Cheng Feng would take this step— because he wouldn’t accept him, he would rather accept Jiang Xu whom he had never recognized.
This made him somewhat surprised.
Seeing that he didn’t say anything, Jiang Xu said slowly, “I can not go back and what belongs to him will still belong to him. Everything in the Cheng family will still be his, as long as you two break up.”
“Xiao Lan, let’s put everything back to the beginning and what belongs to him will still be his and what belongs to me, will still be mine. Will you come back? I promise, I don’t want anything else except for you. I can give up anything. Okay?”
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