Chapter 72.1
“Xiao Lan, I don’t want it, you don’t have to go, you’re fine by my side.”
Saying this, he hugged Lin An Lan.
Lin An Lan resisted and pushed him, “What are you doing? How can you still regret this? If you regret it now, all your efforts will be wasted.”
“I don’t care.”
“I do.” Lin An Lan finally pushed him away, “I’ve gone to such lengths, I can’t let my previous efforts become a cos 90, so the act has to go on.”
“Are you testing me?” Jiang Xu looked at him with lost, grey eyes, “I give up, I really do, I don’t want it anymore, I’ve had enough!”
“I’ve had enough of these days, I don’t want you to be like this anymore, I don’t want us to be like this either. It’s clear that you care about me the most, it’s clear that you are the only one that Cheng Yu will never get, I don’t want him to be smug anymore, and I don’t want you to leave me anymore, Xiao Lan……”
He grabbed Lin An Lan’s shoulders again, “I give up, I really give up, you’re right, I was wrong, I was very wrong. I’ll listen to you in everything from now on. Stop caring about Cheng Yu, go and tell him that everything is a lie, that you just lied to him in order to stay by his side. Come back to me, okay?”
Lin An Lan looked at the pain and hope in his eyes and for a moment, he almost believed that what he was saying was true.
But only for a moment.
He looked at the man in front of him with calm indifference and quietness for a long time before he said in a deep voice, “No.”
“Jiang Xu, are you done acting? I won’t talk to Cheng Yu about this. I like him and I won’t leave him.”
Jiang Xu’s eyes widened instantly as he was stimulated.
“You like him? How can you possibly like him? How could you like him?”
“He’s my boyfriend, why can’t I like him?!”
“He’s not!”
“That’s enough, I know in my own heart if he is or not. He’s my boyfriend, not yours, I don’t need you to deny that fact!”
Jiang Xu shook his head, “You can’t do this, you promised me that you wouldn’t have anything to do with him, you promised me!”
“That was all in the past.”
“It’s the same now.”
“It’s not.” Lin An Lan said in a cold voice.
Jiang Xu’s hands trembled in response to the coldness in his words.
“No, it’s not possible, you wouldn’t talk to me like that.”
“Did Cheng Yu say something about me? Is that why you’ve misunderstood me? I knew it, he must have sowed discord between us.”
Saying this, he let go and turned to walk out.
Lin An Lan pulled him back, “What are you doing?”
“I’m going to find him, I want to hear what he said! What exactly did he do to you behind my back!”
“You’re insane.” Lin An Lan dragged him back helplessly, “You should cut down on your fussing, who can stand it when you’re making such a fuss every day?”
“Are you tired of me?” Jiang Xu looked at him in a daze, “You’re sick of me too?”
Lin An Lan sighed, “You should go back.”
“You’re sick with me?” Jiang Xu repeated.
His voice was soft as he asked, “You don’t want to care about me anymore, you also don’t want to care about me anymore?”
Lin An Lan lowered his head, “Nobody can have complete control over you for the rest of your life. In life, one can only be responsible for oneself.”
“So, you also don’t want to care about me?”
Looking up, Lin An Lan saw that his eyes were full of sadness.
“I can’t be in charge of you forever.” He told him truthfully.
Jiang Xu shook his head as he looked at Lin An Lan with fascination, but he wasn’t able to see the warmth and tenderness he had once felt from him.
He opened his mouth, “You’ve changed.”
“Everyone changes.”
“But you weren’t like this before. You used to care about me; you said you’d always be there for me, that you wouldn’t reject me.”
Lin An Lan felt himself getting another headache, but this time it wasn’t just from being irritated, but also from a physical headache.
“Just because of Cheng Yu? Because of the few months you’ve been together? Just a few months, and you’re going to favor him and leave me too?”
Lin An Lan massaged his temples, “Your hatred for him is too deep.”
“How can I not hate him!” Jiang Xu said angrily, “He was born with everything, but what about me? What do I have? If he gave birth to him, why did he have to give birth to me as well! I would rather have never come into this world and never known of his existence than to live like this, with nothing!”
He looked at Lin An Lan with a forlorn frown, “You are all I have left, all I have, and he wants to take that away as well? There are so many people in this world who love him; why won’t he just let you go!”
Lin An Lan vaguely felt that there was something in his words, but wasn’t able to discern the meaning behind it for the time being.
He just retorted, “I’m an independent individual, I don’t belong to anyone, let alone you, there is no such thing as taking away.”
“Besides, why should you compare yourself to him? He was born with everything, that’s his good fortune, why do you have to compare yourself to him? There are many people in this world who are worse off than you, so why can’t you compare yourself to those people instead of holding on to Cheng Yu?”
“Xiao Lan, what are you talking about?” Jiang Xu looked at him suspiciously, “Why should I compare myself to those people, who are they to me, do they know me? Why should I compare myself to them?”
“Why shouldn’t I compare myself to Cheng Yu? Just because I have nothing, I’m not even qualified to compare myself to him? Obviously half of what he has should be mine!”
Lin An Lan looked at him in amazement.
His temples ached, but his mind seemed to clear up.
He seemed to have remembered something, he seemed to have remembered the younger Jiang Xu.
*
“It’s him, isn’t it?” The memory of the younger Jiang Xu looked at his teenage self with panic and anticipation, “He looks exactly like the photo, Cheng Yu, so he must be surnamed Cheng too. It’s him, isn’t it, Xiao Lan, he’s my father, isn’t he?”
Jiang Xu looked at the Lin An Lan who didn’t have amnesia with helpless delight and hope.
“No.” Lin An Lan heard himself reply, “That’s Cheng Yu’s father, not yours. Let’s go home.
“But…… he looks exactly the same as in the picture.”
“Is that so? You’re seeing it wrong.”
*
Horrified, Lin An Lan looked incredulously at the man in front of him.
He looked intently at Jiang Xu’s eyebrows, at his high, straight nose, and then at his lips and chin.
He remembered how he had first met Jiang Xu after his amnesia and had jokingly told Cheng Yu that they looked alike from a certain angle.
He also remembered the night when Cheng Yu had hugged him and told him that his father had many lovers, some of whom had been with him for a long time and had become mistresses, while others were unlucky enough to have children. They thought that if they had children, they could marry his father, but his father wasn’t the kind of man who cared about children.
So the mistresses who insisted on having children for him were abandoned by him.
Lin An Lan understood, he understood everything.
“You and Cheng Yu are……”, he said, not able to continue, as if he couldn’t open his mouth.
Jiang Xu didn’t say anything.
But Lin An Lan already had an answer.
Everything was clear at this moment. Why Jiang Xu hated Cheng Yu so much, why he would say that they couldn’t reconcile unless he was reborn, why he always wanted to compare himself with Cheng Yu and why he wouldn’t let him, as a friend, have any contact with Cheng Yu.
Because he and Cheng Yu were half-brothers and his mother, as well as he himself, had been abandoned by Cheng Yu’s father. That was why he was jealous of Cheng Yu who had a father and that was why he hated Cheng Yu.
Lin An Lan took a step back, leaning against the wall.
This was something he hadn’t expected, he had never thought that Jiang Xu and Cheng Yu would have such a relationship.
He had also never expected, that his life would be so contrived.
But Cheng Yu was innocent.
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