Proofreader: Mika
Chapter 105.1 Cheng Yu’s Song
”Look in the mirror, look at yourself now. If you didn’t look like you were dying, Hua Rong wouldn’t have done this kind of damage, you should try to forget about him, really.” Xu Sheng said in a bitter voice.
Cheng Yu listened, unable to say anything.
After all these years, he had gotten used to hearing this kind of talk. Xu Sheng, Hua Rong, and even Yu Heng, who didn’t think much of his relationship, had advised him to give up.
Of course he knew that giving up was the best option for him, but he couldn’t do it.
As soon as he saw Lin An Lan, his mind was all on him. For an emotion like love, if reason could control it, then was it still love?
“I don’t want that thing to happen a second time. Whether it’s Xie Hui or someone else, if it happens the next time, I won’t let you through the door.” He said to Hua Rong.
Hua Rong exhaled a cloud of smoke, “You really know how to dream. One Xie Hui cost me three million, another one, do you think I’m doing charity?”
“Three million?”
“All that sh*t with him and his agency, I was going to buy him and make him stay with you, but now you don’t want him either, I spent my money for nothing.”
Cheng Yu thought to himself, Hua Rong had probably become muddle-headed from his time abroad, “Do you think I’d want it?”
“No, I don’t think so.” Hua Rong said, “But I hope you do. Not necessarily as a stand-in, but at least to make it look like you’re giving up Lin An Lan, and not dying on this tree.”
“I’ll be fine.”
“Just take a look at your appearance now and then say that you’ll be fine again.”
“I just need some time.”
“How long? Eight years isn’t enough, how much longer do you need?”
Cheng Yu didn’t say anything. How could he know how long it would take? Falling in love with someone could happen in an instant but giving up on someone could take a lifetime.
If Lin An Lan got married, then he would spend his life giving up on him, not trying to forget, just giving up, which meant, he would have probably given up right?
When Xu Sheng saw his eyes darken instantly, with no light in his eyes and the gloomy aura he was exuding, he glared at Hua Rong, opened the lid of the congee and pushed it in front of Cheng Yu, “Don’t listen to him. Come, eat first, as for love, if you like it then just fall in love. Isn’t Lin An Lan also single now? You’re also single. As long as both of you are single, there will always be a chance.”
Putting the spoons away, he set the shrimp dumplings and BBQ pork buns next to the congee, “Eat first.”
“Thank you.” Cheng Yu whispered.
When Hua Rong saw him like this, he couldn’t help but be upset. He put his cigarette out in the ashtray, “Since you don’t like what happened yesterday, I can apologize to you, but you have to think about what I said seriously. You have to want to get out first before you can get out. If you want to be stuck on the tree that is Lin An Lan for the rest of your life, then who can help you? Lin An Lan won’t feel bad, it will only be you and us your friends who will feel bad.”
“I know.”
“Eat.” Hua Rong raised his chin, “The porridge will get cold soon.”
Cheng Yu drank the bowl of congee in silence, ate a few shrimp dumplings and didn’t eat any more.
Then Hua Rong and Xu Sheng asked him to go out tomorrow, but he refused. Hua Rong was speechless, “Look at this, I knew that your ‘I know’ means that you have already heard the message, but you don’t take it seriously. What would you do staying in the house all day? Feeling depressed? The point is that Lin An Lan can’t even see, so why not go out with us and relax? Maybe you might even see him too.”
“I’ve got something doing tomorrow.”
“What is it?” Hua Rong didn’t believe it.
“Work.”
“Don’t you only start work from the fifteenth day of the first month?”
“Extra work.”
“Huh?”
“En.” Cheng Yu nodded, “I just got the news.”
“Really?”
“Why would I lie to you about this?”
Hua Rong was convinced, “Alright then. I didn’t think you would be in the mood to work. It’s not easy for you.”
Cheng Yu:……He really wasn’t in the mood.
“En.” Cheng Yu looked at his watch, “I have to go to the study to prepare my work for tomorrow. It’s late, so you guys can go to the guest room if you want to rest, you know this house well so you can get anything you want to eat.”
After saying this, he stood up, then remembered something else, “Don’t go to the second bedroom, that’s his bedroom.”
Hua Rong:……
Xu Sheng stood up as well, “We just came to see you because we were worried about your state. Now that we’ve done that, Hua Rong and I are leaving. Call us if you need anything.”
“Alright.”
Cheng Yu walked them out the door, saw them get into the elevator then turned around and walked back in.
Going to his study, he took a copy of the lyrics out of the drawer. He hadn’t lied to Hua Rong and Xu Sheng, he really had something to do. During the movieing of [Yun Yun], he had showed the music director the lyrics he had written and asked him, “Can we use this song as an interlude or the ending credits song?”
The Music Director and Director Zhang had looked at his lyrics together, and then Director Zhang had asked him, “Did you write it according to Jing Huan’s state of mind?”
Cheng Yu had nodded.
But it wasn’t, it had been written according to his state of mind. It had been written when Lin An Lan was in the school singing competition that year. He had been sitting in the audience, watching Lin An Lan shine on stage, his eyes clear and bright, but he couldn’t see him. Sad, he went back to his dormitory and wrote this song.
He had written about his own feelings, it was only that his feelings were too similar to that of Jing Huan’s, that was why he had said it was Jing Huan’s, because they were pretty much the same.
They were all about loving but not getting anything in return and hoping for something, but not getting any result.
Later, Director Zhang said to him, “Those lyrics can be used, it can be made into the ending credits song following the scene where Jing Huan finally bows his head in the direction of Gu Shuyu in the snow.”
“Okay.” Cheng Yu had responded happily.
He had participated in this movie with a strong purpose. It was as if he was making a memorial of his love, and so wanted to present it in the best possible way without regrets, and now the song he had written for it could be in this movie, which for him, was an unexpected success.
Cheng Yu was very happy and grateful.
After he had taken a look at his WeChat just now, he realized that the music director had sent him a message, asking him if he could try singing the song himself.
[What Director Zhang means is, you are the character Jing Huan, you know his feelings better and so you will be able to sing it with more emotion, what’s more you wrote the lyrics of the song yourself, so if you sing it, it can be used as a selling point during the promotions].
Cheng Yu never expected that he would sing the song. He had written the song himself, gotten the help of his friend, a professional to compose the music and then given it to the music director. As to who the singer would be, Cheng Yu didn’t mind, as everyone was a master in their own field. He wasn’t a singer, so he never thought of singing the ending credits song for the movie himself.
But…… that didn’t seem to be out of the question.
He looked at the lyrics he had once written, was silent for a long time, then finally took his pen out and changed a few lines.
And then he took a picture and sent the new version of the lyrics to the Music Director and Director Zhang, asking them if the lines he had changed was okay.
Director Zhang looked at the new lyrics and saw that not much had been changed except for a slight change to the chorus which made it even more sad, but it was also more in line with Jing Huan’s mood.
[It’s OK.] Director Zhang replied.
Cheng Yu: [I’ll go and record a demo tomorrow and let you and Director Wang listen to it.]
Director Wang was the music director of the movie.
Director Zhang was happy to see how positive he was: [Good, go for it, Xiao Cheng.]
[En.]
Contacting his friend, Cheng Yu asked him to free up his time and studio, informing him that he would be coming over tomorrow.
Although his friend was surprised, he agreed, “Ok.”
All night long, Cheng Yu kept practicing. At first, he couldn’t sing at all; whenever he opened his mouth, nothing would come out. He hadn’t been in a good mood for the past couple of days as he was very depressed, so singing, was a bit of a struggle for him.
He couldn’t even open his mouth to talk, so how could he sing the lyrics with his own feelings?
He could only sing in his heart again and again, then in a whisper. In a low, almost silent whisper.
He had once sang a song to Lin An Lan, but he had been in a good mood at that time, so he had sung with ease, and after the singing went back to the house they had lived in with Lin An Lan, where he kissed him.
But now, he was so upset that he could hardly sing. Without Lin An Lan, his love, he had nothing in the end.
Of course Cheng Yu knew that he should come out of this state. It had already been eight years, he should really come out. He had met so many people, so many people who liked him, so many outstanding people, but he couldn’t do it.
He knew Hua Rong and Xu Sheng were worried about him and knew Yu Heng wouldn’t want to see him like this. He knew all this, but he couldn’t do anything about it.
Eight years, thousands of days and months, all of his feelings piled up on Lin An Lan. Lin An Lan had become his obsession, a part of his heart, a part of his heart that hurt when he touched it and that hurt when he moved it.
It was hard to love someone unrequitedly, but it was even harder to give up on that person.
Cheng Yu would rather have him grow into a cocoon and become a scar on his heart than pluck him out of his heart.
His feelings were unhealthy, they had never been healthy. He knew that, but he couldn’t cure it.
He sang the song he had written quietly in his heart, then in the early hours of the morning, fell into a shallow sleep.
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