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Chapter 104.1
“It seems he was really good to you.”
“It’s not all about that.” Lin An Lan said, “I was the one who went to him and a lot of the things that we did, I was the one who suggested it first. The more he liked me, the less he could or would say no to me and the more he was wrong. Human nature can’t be tested, I tested him first and so naturally I have no right to blame him for not being able to pass the test at all.”
“So you like him?”
Lin An Lan was silent.
“You don’t like him?” Zhuo Siya felt that he couldn’t understand, “When you lost your memory, you liked him a lot, but speaking of which, why did you lose your memory?”
Lin An Lan frowned, pondering how to explain it to him.
His memory loss was actually an accident.
An accident that wasn’t at all in anyone’s plan.
In all seriousness, it had all started with Jiang Xu.
Thinking about it, Lin An Lan glanced at his cell phone. Jiang Xu was still on his blacklist, he still hadn’t been removed.
Remembering what Jiang Xu had done during his memory loss, Lin An Lan sighed helplessly. Even though it had been so long, he had probably been too angry at the time, which was why he still felt upset when he thought about it now.
After so many years of being friends, he had assumed Jiang Xu was the only person in the world he could trust, but now it seems, he had been thinking too much.
Putting his cell phone aside, Lin An Lan felt that he and Jiang Xu were probably going to be the most common kind of friends who used to know each other but didn’t really keep in touch with each other.
It was a bit sad, but there was nothing to be done about it.
They had been there for each other through the toughest of times, but in the end, they still said goodbye to each other.
It was kind of sad.
“It was just an accident, don’t worry about it.” He said to Zhuo Siya.
“But you weren’t hurt either.”
“Did you want me to get hurt?” Lin An Lan asked in reply.
“Of course not, I’m just saying that because you’re fine. Yes, why did you suddenly regain your memory?”
“I can’t go through life without getting my memory back, right?”
Seeing that he didn’t want to talk about it, Zhuo Siya didn’t ask any more questions. “Then I’ll arrange other activities for you.”
“En.”
They talked about work for a while and as Zhuo Siya had things to do, he left first.
Lin An Lan saw him out the door and seeing that it was time for dinner, started to prepare the meal.
Usually, he would cook for himself only when he was alone. When he had been with his parents, his parents had helped him; when he had been with Jiang Xu, Jiang Xu had done the cooking and when he had been with Cheng Yu, Cheng Yu hadn’t wanted him to worry himself about it at all, so it was only when he was alone that he needed to feed himself.
He cut up a tomato, preparing to make a stir-fried tomato egg dish and then cut up a green pepper with the intention of making a fried pork with green pepper dish.
As he ate his dinner, he debated whether he should tell Cheng Yu that he had regained his memory and if so, what to do next.
Should he go back to Cheng Yu? Or was it over with him?
Lin An Lan wasn’t sure about his feelings. He’d loved Cheng Yu when he’d had amnesia, but now it felt more like he was watching a love movie. The movie was good and the main character seemed to be him, but not the real him.
Cheng Yu was in love with the Lin An Lan who had lost his memory, the Lin An Lan who was carefree and who dared to love and hate.
If he hadn’t had the experience he’d had when he was a child, if he had grown up in a normal and happy family, then this would have been his character in the end– someone who was fearless, pampered and trusting of people wholeheartedly.
But the Lin An Lan right now, wasn’t like that.
Would Cheng Yu find that he wasn’t as cute and interesting as he had been when he had lost his memory? Would he find him less likable now?
When there had been no comparison, he was fine either way, but once there was a comparison, would he like his amnesiac self more?
Of course, none of this was the point.
The point was, did he really want to be with Cheng Yu?
Lin An Lan had never thought about who he wanted to be with, and many people had asked him, what type do you like?
All his answers had been, I like what I like.
But what did he like?
Lin An Lan himself didn’t know.
It was just that, Cheng Yu had never once been within the scope.
From the time he vaguely realized that Cheng Yu might like him, that Cheng Yu had an obsession with him that went beyond wanting him to be his friend, he began to avoid Cheng Yu.
He hadn’t wanted the possibility of contact between Cheng Yu and Jiang Xu, and he hadn’t wanted to get himself involved with the Cheng family. Not to mention, a man like Cheng Feng, wouldn’t allow his son to be with a man.
Even if they did get together, Cheng Feng would still try to find a way to get Cheng Yu to have a child.
It was too much trouble, therefore Cheng Yu had never been within the range of Lin An Lan’s considerations.
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I feel that An Lan does not deserve Cheng Yu love, I know Chen Yu was wrong and all but from the flashbacks it just gets me very upset that Cheng Yu liked An An, it seems like a waste of emotions.
U sound like that buddy of Cheng Yu! Haha. CY did try to move on …
I just don’t know what to feel right now. An An has rights to be mad, to contemplate, and to think throughly about their situation. What I just don’t get is why he’s still doubting if Cheng Yu has loved the “him” who has lost his memories or the “him” that he is before and now. An An said he loves Cheng Yu, but until now, he still can’t see him nor his geniune heart. He is smart and has found out the lies of Cheng Yu, but he can’t even find what’s the truth in there in congruence with his memories? Why do you have to be that cruel? I’m just so distressed that Cheng Yu has to endure all of this (although he deserves some of it since that’s his choice, and he needs to face the consequences). Please just let Cheng Yu be happy :(((
Omg sorry I didn’t mean to reply my personal thoughts and feelings. I just saw this after sending my comment. 😭🙏
The fact that you love someone doesn’t mean the person should love you back. It’s someone’s right to fall in love and it’s also the other person’s right to accept that love and fall right back or reject it. As simple as that.