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P. S It is very triggering

Chapter 61.2

After nearly half a minute of silence, Qi Chang’an began to speak again, his tone slow, “My… birth mother’s name is Shen Zhe Mei. At the age of twenty-two, due to a family alliance, she married my father. Two years later, my big brother, Qi Chang’yin, was born.

My father was a standard family and work-centric man at the helm of affairs, so busy every day that he rarely had time to come home. When my big brother was six and started studying with a family tutor, she gave birth to me out of loneliness.”

The more Qi Chang’an spoke, the more indifferent and flat his tone became, as if he were telling someone else’s story, carrying the detachment of an onlooker.

“When I was three months old, she used the excuse that someone around her was trying to harm me to take me from my nanny to care for me herself. From that time on, she began telling people in the family that my health was poor, that I was prone to allergies and that I had severe asthma. To cover up this lie, she bribed all the family doctors.”


“Mm.” Qi Chang’an replied, his tone still flat and straightforward, “So according to her, my illness had become more severe. I had to have an oxygen tube inserted in every day, couldn’t engage in strenuous activities, wasn’t allowed to walk and had to be put in a wheelchair as soon as I got out of bed. At that time, I didn’t quite understand. I just knew that my body was unwell and that I had to cooperate with the treatment.”

“But two years later, on my seventh birthday, my father couldn’t make it back in time for my celebration due to urgent business. That day, Shen Zhe Mei was in a poor mental state. She sat by my bed that night, crying as she clutched my hand, asking repeatedly, ‘Why hasn’t your father come back yet? Does he not want you anymore? Does he not want me anymore? Will he never come back?'”

A trace of mockery appeared at the corners of Qi Chang’an’s lips, “That night, my ‘illness’ worsened rapidly. Soon, a nasogastric tube was inserted and I couldn’t eat or breathe on my own. As I listened to her discussing my condition with the doctor, I felt….. strange and puzzled for the first time because I didn’t feel the discomfort they were talking about.

So I asked her, ‘Mom, am I really that sick?’ She was very gentle and sad as she replied, ‘Yes, you are very sick, but your father still hasn’t come to see you even though you’re so sick.'”

At that moment, Qi Chang’an noticed a tear falling down the back of Xu Luoyang’s hand. He froze, “Nao Nao—”

“What about your big brother?” Xu Luoyang’s voice was choked as he clutched Qi Chang’an’s sleeve, “What about him?”

“He was sent abroad to study at a private boarding school when I was six.” Qi Chang’an’s movements were gentle as he wiped Xu Luoyang’s tears with the soft pad of his fingertips, the smile at the corners of his lips tinged with bitterness, “I’m sorry, I made you cry.”

Shaking his head, Xu Luoyang looked at him, unable to speak as tears streamed down his face.

“Chang’yin would come back during holidays, returning three times a year. Shen Zhe Mei loved red roses and so planted many. Once, after Chang’yin returned and learned that I hadn’t left my room in a long time, he picked a rose from the garden for me, telling me that the sunshine outside was lovely and asked if I wanted to go out to enjoy the scenery. However, this infuriated Shen Zhe Mei who screamed and cried, claiming that Chang’yin would k*ll me by doing this.”

A hint of a smile appeared in his eyes, “But that night, Chang’yin sneaked into my room and told me that he would work hard to become an extraordinary person. That way, he could find excellent doctors to cure me and buy me airplanes, cruise ships and cars to travel the world.

I was delighted. Even though I didn’t know if I could live long enough to see that day, just having that dream made me incredibly happy.”

Xu Luoyang wiped his tears with the back of his hand then lowered his head to kiss Qi Chang’an’s palm before trying to smile at him.

“Later, Shen Zhe Mei discovered Chang’yin’s visit through surveillance footage and became fearful of losing me after losing her husband and elder son, so not long after, she arranged a surgery to remove one-third of my stomach.

After that, I became very weak. For two years, I suffered from bile reflux, stomach bleeding and severe insomnia. It happened that once, Shen Zhe Mei came to my room in the middle of the night, sat by my bed and spoke to me. She thought I was asleep and so whispered that ‘Now, she didn’t have to worry about me leaving her anymore.’

“From that moment on, I became even more convinced that I might not be sick at all.”

Holding the teary-eyed Xu Luoyang, Qi Chang’an kissed his hair then sighed, “I shouldn’t have told you all this.” All these dark, even bloody past events.

“You should have told me.” Xu Luoyang bit down hard on his collar in a death grip until his gums ached before he let go, asking hoarsely, “What happened after?”

“After I turned twelve, my father came home and they discussed whether to send me to school or hire a family tutor to teach me. They fought. My father believed that even though my body was weak, people shouldn’t be ignorant and that physical limitations shouldn’t constrain my thoughts. Shen Zhe Mei, on the other hand, accused my father of putting my life in danger.

Several days later, I seized an opportunity to sneak out of my room in the middle of the night and found Chang’yin. At the time, I was terrified yet excited. I mustered the courage to ask him, ‘Big brother, do you believe me when I say that I’m not really sick?’ I asked him to take me for a check-up away from the influence of the Qi Group and the Shen family.”

Xu Luoyang’s breath trembled until he heard Qi Chang’an say, “He believed me.”

“After the test results came back, my father and Shen Zhe Mei got into a violent argument. In the end, Shen Zhe Mei sht and klled my father then committed sucde. After that, my big brother who had just become an adult inherited the family business and I was sent to the same school he attended.” Pausing for a moment, Qi Chang’an laughed, “I was finally free.”

Hearing the last four words, Xu Luoyang threw himself into Qi Chang’an’s arms, sobbing.

Hearing his whimpers, Qi Chang’an lowered his head and rubbed his hair gently, “So, Luoyang, I’m not as good as you think I am and I’m not even a normal person. I have a lot of hatred, greed and dissatisfaction in my heart.

You see, I told you all this because I wanted your sympathy, your pity, your concern. I wanted you to feel sad for me, to cry for me and to never leave me. I‘m very despicable—”

Xu Luoyang pressed his lips firmly against Qi Chang’an’s, stopping him from continuing and his lips, which were bleeding from having been bitten left a trace of blood on Qi Chang’an’s lips. A few seconds later, he pulled back and asked him softly, “Can you bear to leave me?”

Qi Chang’an looked at him in silence then finally shook his head.

“I can’t bear to leave you either.” Xu Luoyang intertwined his fingers with Qi Chang’an’s, gripping them tightly. He tried to smile, but his voice still trembled, “My Qi Qi, my Chang’an Ge-ge, is the best person I have ever met. No one can compare to him. He’s so, so good and I want to be with him for the rest of my life.”


“There are no buts.” Xu Luoyang lifted his chin, his tone full of certainty, “If I don’t spend my life with you, I will be sad every single day that I’m alive. Can you bear that?”

Qi Chang’an met his gaze and after a long while, conceded, “I can’t bear it.”

I can’t bear to see you sad, and even less so when it’s because of me.

Satisfied with this response, Xu Luoyang’s voice softened, “Then can you hold me a bit tighter?”

Qi Chang’an’s arms tightened.

“Tighter still.”

Qi Chang’an complied.

“Yes, just like that.” Xu Luoyang’s voice was tinged with a hint of a smile as he whispered, “Chang’an, don’t think about letting go of me ever again; just keep me trapped in your embrace.”

At this moment, Qi Chang’an closed his eyes slowly, feeling as if the fierce beast locked within his heart had been soothed gently.

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2 thoughts on “It is said that I give out sugar everyday

  1. Omg i was wrong all this time.. i thought chang an’s mom was innocent.
    How scary what has his mom done to him..

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